good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
