We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
