Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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