No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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