i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
