yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
How does one acquire holy water?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
