my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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