dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
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I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize