does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I feel like abortions should bother me more
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
