hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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