it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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