i think my tv is drunk
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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