i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
