Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I have aggressive nipples.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
