i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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