who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
