Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
