I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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