She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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