i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
