i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize