you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
