I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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