I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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