I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
