Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
there is glitter all over my balls
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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