It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
People in love make me want to vomit
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
