Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
