Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
