Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
