Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
it was like eating out sand paper
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
