we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
