I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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