butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
