If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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