Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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