Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
