i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
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