maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
