Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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