I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You took a bar mat shot.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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