I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the day after is always just damage control
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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