Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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