i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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