I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
