I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
