thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
