I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
