I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
