Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
