me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
