Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
