She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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