I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
