Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
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