Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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