That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
