U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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