Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
