he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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