I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
