Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
