her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
