we're chasing vodka with high fives
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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