Rock
Scissors
Fuck
im six kinds of drunk right now
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
