No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
