hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
