i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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