I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
