I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
