It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
