I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
