What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize