i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
