dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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