I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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