You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
